Happy Birthday :)

Happy Birthday to the sweetest little boy who has helped make my life complete and helped heal me from some of the deepest sorrows I have ever endured. It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since I was pacing that hospital hallway waiting for any kind of word and hoping you were okay. And it’s been a whole year since I first heard that loud scream that we thought must have been a several-day old baby… but it was you making sure the world knew you were here. It’s been a whole year since the nurse wheeled you to me in a little bassinet, and I laid eyes on you for the first time, and I cried like a baby as I picked you up for the first time and began to learn again what it meant to love. It’s been a year of cries, lack of sleep, diapers…. and smiles, Juju pictures, rocking, teaching, watching you grow, making you giggle and laugh, and loving you. Happy birthday my precious son.

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Jack O Lanterns…

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Here are our fun jack o lanterns this year.

Penny Day again!

On Monday, September 9, 2013, we will be celebrating our daughter Skyler’s third Angelversary. An Angelversary is the anniversary of the day she became an angel. It has been a long, difficult, and emotional journey without her here, but somehow we have survived and are approaching this special day of hers again.

 
While on this journey, I have met many other Angel Moms. I have seen them celebrate Angelversaries in various ways. Some have balloon releases while others release butterflies. Some light candles at home, and some visit the cemetery. To celebrate my girls’ lives, I wanted to commemorate them without harming the environment or costing a fortune. I wanted to do something memorable, and I wanted to do something to help others.

 
It is said that finding a penny heads-up brings good luck. On September 9, 2011, we started an annual “heads-up penny day” in memory of our daughter Skyler. We save all of our pennies, polish them, and lay them heads up in public places for others to find with the hope of spreading good luck to those who may need it. We asked friends and family to lay a penny in her memory, and the response has been unbelievable each year so far. We got a few emails and messages saying they would leave a penny, and we got a few sentimental stories about how much this meant to them. There were many more messages saying they were putting down LOTS of pennies. One friend had friends laying pennies from Houston to Atlanta to Pittsburgh. A friend in California spread hundreds of pennies all over several towns, and another Angel mom spread 2500 pennies all over Manhattan. I had people from other countries emailing me and saying they didn’t have pennies there and asking if it was okay to put down another coin. That’s just the beginning of the turnout in years past.

 
As we approach her special day again, I invite you to join our celebration and honor Skyler’s life by laying a penny heads-up for someone to find. Wherever you are, place a penny on the street corner, in a checkout line, at the park, in the school cafeteria, or on the courthouse steps. I would be honored for Skyler’s memory to bring blessings to many others this year, even if they never know where the penny came from or hear of her name.

Thank you, and have fun!

 
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Baby cousin, Tabi, moving, Tater, and Reiki

A lot has happened in the last few weeks since I last updated.

First, my baby cousin passed away July 22nd. He was 5 years, 2 weeks, and 1 day old. He will always be loved and remembered, and I know he’s gotten the opportunity to meet his Pawpaw and his 2 baby cousins, and they are all having a blast. I am glad he got relieved from the pain, and he will no longer have to suffer. I just wish I could help his Mom because I know how hard losing a child can be.

Tabi’s Angelversary was small this year. Partially because I was way too busy to remind people. As for us, it was just my wife, Tater, and I because we were on a short “vacation.” We tried to burn a candle, but the wind blew too hard and refused to let us light it. We did burn messages in the cauldron, though we were unable to do it until the day after. Between traveling and Tater and hotels and such, it just wasn’t feasible for us to do it on her special day. However, I think it was meant to be that way because the next morning, my sister called and let me know that my little cousin passed. A few hours later, I was able to include him in the burning of messages. I was able to send him up a little love, too.

We got a contract on our house, and we found another home to move to. We started packing and preparing for a big move… then our buyers backed out. However, we can and intend to move forward with the new house. This is a big change in lots of ways – both at home and at work. I can’t go into a lot more detail on that for confidentiality reasons. At least not yet. In the meantime, I will say that things are working out beautifully, and I am excited about where all this is taking us.

I have been off work for the past 4 weeks. It’s hard to believe it’s been 4 weeks already. While I am still on FMLA leave, there are benefits to me working at least a full day in each month. We planned for me to work this week, but only 1/2 a day since I’m breastfeeding. I have been in constant contact with my supervisor, and I know going into this week that I have a LOT to accomplish. So much that I may be unable to accomplish everything I need to, and I may have to go in on Monday as well. Yikes. STRESS! At least it’s only part-time this week. I can handle that, and perhaps it’s better if I stay busy rather than have the opportunity to talk with co-workers much anyway due to my latest confidentiality agreement.

Tater is 4 weeks old today. Crazy how time passes… I love holding him and loving on him. I love loving him. I sit and hold him in awe for long periods of time. Then I get stressed that I’m not doing anything, and I pass him to someone else or try to put him down. I’m still swallowing the bit that he breathes. He cries and moves by himself. He pees and poops. He makes funny faces, demands bottles and boobies, insists on being held (yes, he’s a little spoiled). He is alive. Part of me is still trying to comprehend this after 4 weeks. It really happened. Tater is ours, we got to bring home a living baby. In a car seat instead of an urn. Wearing clothes rather than a box. The fact that we adopted no longer matters — or perhaps it matters in a good way. I didn’t have to go through pregnancy or a c-section. I didn’t have the fears or anxiety that go with pregnancy. And I got a perfect little son who I feel is mine whether he came from my womb or was born from my heart. And perhaps because we chose adoption, my son is alive. Hell, if we could afford it, I would say, “Let’s do that again!” But that’s not really feasible. We are trying to build a house and become self-sufficient. We are buying a house. We are doing a lot that we need our money for. Ever since I was young, I said I wanted to adopt a child. I’m really glad I have that opportunity.

On the spiritual realm, I made another leap. Okay, perhaps it’s not “spiritual” but it is to me, I’ll discuss that in a minute. I consider anything working with energies to be spiritual. I got courageous and asked my Reiki Teacher if he would consider me for 3rd degree. I fully expected him to say “no”… Only certain people (and I’m not in that group) are offered that opportunity. But he said yes. I asked how many 3rd degrees he has taught, and he said maybe a dozen. It’s not something he offers. Only people who meet /this/ standard are offered this level… and that is not a standard I met. So I asked him why. Why did he agree to teach me and take me to the next level? If I’m not and will never meet that standard… then why did he agree to make me a Reiki Master? He said he almost did tell me no, but the Reiki Masters told him to. I understand. I think those are the same ones who told me to ask despite not meeting his requirements. The requirements have nothing to do with Reiki, but he only offers 3rd degree to people who are raised within the coven, and I choose a path other than his. I’m not really sure I choose a path at all. I don’t think I’m that spiritual as far as a spiritual path – I am not Christian or Wiccan or anything else. I have no spiritual path, but I respect all others. I don’t worship a God or Goddess per se. However, I have embraced what I have been called to do. I am a healer. I am a Shamanic practitioner, and now I’m also a Reiki Master.

Reiki

Today, I became a Reiki Master.

 

A big achievement. Now I am exhausted.

Tater’s home

I really have a lot to post…

Last time I posted, I was on a countdown to the birth of a potential adoptive placement. Our birthmother S had a c-section scheduled for July 8, 2013. The days leading up to that were just preparation so I’ll start this update with July 8th.

We got up, loaded up the car, and drove down to the hospital where we were to meet our adoptive mother. She was already admitted and in her room waiting when we arrived. The surgery was scheduled for 12:30. We got there around 12ish. She was wearing a baby monitor, and we could hear Tater’s heartbeat when we walked in. I was glad to hear Tater was still alive. I have heard too many stories of people going in for their c-section (or induction), and the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. I wanted to cry, but I did a good job of keeping it together.

D’s mom was there, and he introduced us. She was really standoffish and probably didn’t know what to think about us just as much as we didn’t really know what to think about her. Really, I think we were all just too preoccupied with Tater’s upcoming entrance in the world that we mostly sat in the same room and didn’t say much at all. The doctor was running late, and they didn’t come get S at 12:30… or 1…

While we were sitting there, it was weird thinking that there was a baby in S’s tummy… and that it was really about to be born any time now… and that it might possibly be ours…. I started thinking that this might just become real when they pull Tater out and put him on my chest. That is, until we realized only one person got to go into the room with S during the c-section. And that was her boyfriend (Tater’s birthfather). I was devastated, but I didn’t say anything especially to her. I would have chosen my significant other also. I don’t blame her one bit. I was just… sad that I couldn’t be there to have Tater put on my chest immediately. I wasn’t really sure how I would feel about Tater being brought to me after being cleaned up and messed with. I wanted Tater to be on my chest FIRST. I wanted Tater to know me as Mommy. I prayed that somehow this would resolve itself and that somehow things would work out. If Tater’s brought to me later and all cleaned up, at least let us still bond as if I were there those first few moments. That was my prayer – along with the basic things like, “alive and well.”

S said she was rather surprised we were there at all. She for some reason thought we would be there after it was all over. She couldn’t understand why we would want to be at the hospital when we was born. I admit this comment made me wonder. Why would she think we wouldn’t want to be here? Doesn’t she know we are committed? Is she as committed to adoption as we are? I questioned, but I didn’t ask. I told her we wouldn’t miss it for the world.

At 1:30, they still hadn’t come to get her and we were starving so we went downstairs to the cafeteria. We met some of S’s family, and we exchanged numbers. I told her uncle K to please let us know so we can come back when it’s time! Her cousin L is 36 weeks along with a baby girl she plans to name Allison, and she came downstairs to eat, too. L is K’s daughter. He notified us at some point that they were coming to get S soon – and we all packed up and headed back upstairs. I wanted to just sit and cry, but I didn’t. I did a great job of holding it together and going through the motions. It was about this time that I remember texting a friend that I just wanted to cry, too. She told me to go ahead, but I did not.

S was still in her room… but not for long. It was soon “Go” time, and they came in and asked S to get up and follow them to the OR, and D went with them. D’s mom followed for a few minutes just to watch them walk away, then she cam back in the room. It was rather awkward sitting in a room with D’s mom, and S and D were gone, and it was just my wife and I (K and L had to leave). At that point, we’d barely spoken. I tried not to cry… I didn’t want to, especially in front of her.

We decided we’d go down to the nurse’s station and ask about the room they said over the phone that they might be able to give us. When we asked, the nurse was named Lindsey, and she was thrilled to see us. She said she remembered talking to us, and she’s been watching for us. When she saw us come in, she wondered if we were the people she had spoken with about adopting. She was happy to see us in person, and she said yes, she had a family going home, and once the room was cleaned, she could put us in there. That was great news!

Lindsey got a call and my wife said she was going to run out to the car for something real quick. Before I left the nurse’s station, Lindsey hung up the phone, grabbed a face cover thing and put it on as she told me with a smile, “That’s them, they’re ready.” She hurried around the nurse’s station, and I panicked. I momentarily didn’t know what to do so I asked her – “What do I do?” She told me to just stand right there, and she would meet me on the way to the nursery. I asked how long it would take, and she said not very long. So I did.

I quickly popped in and told D’s Mom that it was time, then I paced the hall right in front of the nurse’s station. I kept looking in the direction where Lindsey disappeared. After a few minutes, I realized I’d worked myself up to the point of needing to pee. But I was terrified of going – I didn’t want to miss them. I asked the ladies at the desk if I had time to run to the restroom, and they said yes, go ahead. I think they were laughing at me. :p I took off. I peed just as fast as I could, and I ran back to the nurse’s station. I looked down the hallway, and I resumed pacing. My wife texted me and asked where I was – she managed to come back through in the few seconds I was in the restroom. She was back in S’s room. I told her where I was and why, so she came and stood with me.

Then we heard a scream. A baby scream. I wanted to cry. It’s not Tater, I told myself. It can’t be. Tater is down that hall and might not even be born yet. Besides, Tater is probably too far away for me to hear, even if Tater WERE screaming. These thoughts kept me from breaking down for a few moments.

Then… just a few moments later… Lindsey came strolling into view. She was pushing a hospital rolling bassinet thing for babies. Lindsey was still wearing her face mask, but I could see the smile anyway. And as she got closer, I looked down at what she was pushing, and I saw the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. A swaddled Tater opened his eyes and looked at me. It was at that moment that the tears came. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I couldn’t postpone or withhold my emotions.

For those wanting the fun statistics… Tater’s a BOY! He weighed 7 lbs, 8 oz at birth, and he was 19.5 inches long. He was born at 2:23 pm on July 8, 2013.

The tears flowed as I grabbed Tater and held him close. I put him on my chest, and I just held him while I cried. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the world, but it temporarily stopped spinning. Lindsey disappeared, the hospital disappeared… for just a few moments, it was just me and Tater. The world revolved around us, and we were at the center, stuck in a moment in time.

And then my wife was there, too. I realized I was hogging our son and she hadn’t held him yet, so I quickly passed him to her.

They took us to the NICU because they didn’t exactly have a nursery anymore. They only had a NICU, and although Tater was perfectly healthy, that’s the only place they could take us. Lindsey explained that he hadn’t been cleaned or anything. S said to get him out of there immediately and bring him to us… when he came out, Lindsey swaddled him, put him in the bassinet, and pushed him directly to us. We put him under the heat lamp, gave him a bath, and I fed him, too. I am breastfeeding. We had a little trouble getting started, but the first time he latched and started eating, I was in heaven. I wondered if he was actually getting anything, but when he fell off, and I saw milk on his cheek, I couldn’t have been more proud of myself or him.

We stayed in the hospital for 2 days. We met S’s Mom and S’s Dad. We loved our nurses. Lindsey was fantastic. We also had some other great nurses – Kimberly will forever be in our hearts as she shared her 4-year-old daughter with us and let us watch a video on her cell of her daughter dancing. And she told us how her daughter got out of the bathtub and instead of getting clothes on, she found a pile of ribbons and started dancing with the ribbons singing, “Ribbon booty… Ribbon booty!” We laughed and laughed. She was a lot of fun. Jennifer was nice, too… The hospital in general was great, and everyone acknowledged us as Tater’s parents. Everyone treated us wonderfully.

I’m tired so I’m going to sum up the rest of the week pretty quick. We had to stay until Saturday to get the papers signed. After spending 2 days in the hospital, we spent a night in a nearby hotel. The following day, we relocated to another hotel where we spent 2 more nights. We got to visit with S’s dad quite a bit, but her mom never showed up again. Neither did K and L who said they wanted to come see the baby. D’s Mom asked to see him, but it didn’t work out where she could see him until Saturday. Saturday was relinquishment day – that’s the day the birth mother and birth father sign the papers terminating their parental rights and agreeing to let us adopt. That’s the day that we know he’s ours and we can bring him home… and we know they didn’t change their mind. We did the signing at S and D’s house. They live with D’s mom, so she had the opportunity to spend lots of time with Tater. Everything went great, and the papers were all signed without a problem. Tater’s ours.

We went through where my grandmother lives and picked up my 12-year-old daughter on the way home. We visited with my family for a short while. My cousin, aunt, grandmother, Mom, and daughter all got to hold Tater. Then we came home.

I have to admit, I was scared of this. I was scared I wouldn’t bond with him. I was scared of having a boy. I was scared of adoption. All my fears dissolved the moment I saw him. He was the most beautiful little thing. He looked like an elf. A Hawaiian elf. I figured we’d have white or probably mixed – maybe with black…. I never dreamed we’d get a Hawaiian baby. Much less a Hawaiian elf! When I held him and he knew I was his Mommy… I also knew he was my son. I am proud to have a son, and now i understand what it means when someone is born from the heart. He is mine (and my wife’s, of course). I am no longer scared but excited about our lives together.

I get a birth certificate this time. Not a death certificate. We have footprints of a living baby, not a dead baby. He eats, sleeps, moves, breaths, and makes noise. He is alive, and he is well. We got to bring home a baby in a carseat and not another urn. I’m still processing it, but life feels like it’s going to be okay now. I didn’t think adoption would be so healing, but I think Tater has brought more healing after losing Skyler and Tabi than I’ve had in a long time.

I am not posting pictures of Tater here because I know I have a following that might be sensitive to pictures and detailed updates about a living baby. This is my blog where I record my feelings, and I will continue to do just that (though maybe not so often). If anyone is interested in Tater, I set up a blog for him where I will be posting his pictures and updates. You are welcome to visit Tater on his own blog here. 🙂

Soon… Very soon…

Things are about to change. It’s possible that we are about to have a failed adoption and she changes her mind or chooses someone else. Or it’s possible that Tater doesn’t survive. I know both scenarios all too well. But the birth parents remain committed, and reports about Tater’s health remain optimistic. Even healthy babies die, but…. It’s also possible (or perhaps likely is the better word here) that we will be holding a Tater in our arms in 2 days. The C-section is scheduled for Monday around lunchtime. In 36 hours, I will be on my way to the hospital, and within 39 hours, I will probably be holding Tater for the first time. I know the next 2 days will be a life-changing event, no matter what they bring. I hope they bring only tears of joy and relief.

I want to look into the future and tell myself that it’s all going to work out exactly as planned, but because of what I’ve gone through in the past, I don’t dare count on that. It is for that reason alone that I still choose to withhold all the juicy details like Tater’s gender and Tater’s name. Perhaps I can post a full update next week with all the fun stuff including pictures. In the meantime, I can only live in the now. And the now does not yet include Tater.

The now includes preparation. More preparation. I have been nesting today. Not because I feel like nesting, but because I know these are my last hours before we leave… and if things go well, they will be my last hours at home before we bring Tater home. I refused to believe Tater was really going to be mine so I refused to prepare Tater’s room. I refused to buy Tater clothes until last weekend… and that’s when it started setting in that we didn’t exactly have much in the way of clothes for a Tater… and that Tater’s time was quickly approaching. So today, I focused on Tater’s room. I didn’t take “before” pictures, but I almost wish I had. For those who don’t know what nesting is, it’s turning a big mess of a storage and “dump” area into this within a day or so:

2013-7-6 Baby Room (6)

2013-7-6 Baby Room (2) 2013-7-6 Baby Room (3)

2013-7-6 Baby Room

2013-7-6 Baby Room (5)

Even the drawers are organized and ready for Tater, but I won’t show the inside of the drawers because I’m not disclosing Tater’s gender, and the drawers would spill the beans. I also prepared the bathroom changing area:

2013-7-6 Baby Room (4)

If you look in the upper left-hand corner (in the mirror), you can also see the stacks of cloth diapers ready for a little tushy.

We also decided it would be wise to cook a bunch of food so we won’t have to be cooking when we come home with a newborn (or are too heartbroken to give a shit). When discussing what to make, I suggested enchaladas. I’m not sure why exactly, but it sounded good. We made a little assembly line and now have some delicious beef and cheese and also plain cheese enchaladas. They were going to do something with chicken as well. And my wife made tons of spaghetti sauce so that will be an easy meal, too.

Tomorrow, we will focus on getting us ready. A big thing on tomorrow’s list is repacking our hospital bag not as an emergency bag with lots to grab but as a ready-to-go bag with everything including chargers and computers. We’ll load up the car and make sure we’re ready to get up and leave on Monday. We also have company coming for a bit tomorrow, and I’m kinda glad. I need distraction right now. I was getting really excited, but the excitement has evolved into something else for now. When I think about Monday approaching so soon, my heart starts to race and I start feeling anxiety that I don’t want to feel. I know it’s not good for someone who struggles with high blood pressure to feel such high anxiety. I’m good as long as I keep busy though. 🙂

My baby cousin isn’t doing well. They are keeping him comfortable, but he doesn’t have much time left. I made a trip down last night and did some reiki. I talked to my cousin (his Mom), and we reminisced about our childhoods and the trouble we got into. We grew up like sisters and for a long time called ourselves histerins – that would be a combination of ‘half sister half cousin.’ I did not see him as he was already put down and resting, but I did what I needed to do. Please don’t forget to beep him when you think about him or pray for him (see previous posts about him for the number).

Oh, and because someone asked about Tabi’s Angelversary… Here is the information for her 2nd Angelversary.

Join us for Tabi’s second Angelversary on July 21, 2013. We will again be burning messages for those who have gone before, and if you would like us to burn a message for you, please feel free to send it to me. We will be lighting a candle in memory of our sweet little angel, and we invite you to light a candle at any time that is convenient for you on July 21, 2013 for Tabi. Please send me a picture – I won’t promise to post them all, but I would like to post a few pictures of candles burning for Tabi around the world on July 21st.

Busy weekend, visits, birthdays, and more

I’ve been meaning to post, but life’s been crazy. I know, that’s a terrible excuse.

After work Friday, we got all packed up for our little weekend trip. I packed my daughter, too, and I realized she only had 3 pair of underwear in her drawer. When I went to pick her up, we swung by Wally World and got her some much needed panties. Then we finished up packing and went to bed.

We got up at 4:50 am (the alarms didn’t go off, so we overslept) — and then we scrambled. Luckily, we were already mostly packed. We went down to “The Best Pirate Party Ever” – my baby cousin’s birthday. He is turning 5, and this may well be his last birthday thanks to his battle with cancer. I got to see my Mom, grandmother, sister, her boyfriend, and some other family, too. I didn’t get to stay long at the party because my wife got sick on the way down, and we couldn’t take any chances with her possibly getting him sick. He is already sick enough. Unfortunately, that meant she wasn’t able to attend the party. I said I thought she was just carsick, but no one really believed me. She got all better right after that though, and I still think she was just carsick. He was white as a ghost and wasn’t really able to get up and enjoy the party. Maybe he got up after I left, but while I was there, he was resting on a chair for Captain Braden. Here’s a picture of him on his Captain chair and his grandmother (my aunt):

Captain Braden

Anyway, when we pulled up to the party, I said I would go in for a little bit, but I felt terrible about leaving her outside. I looked up and saw a thrift shop across the street. I gave her the keys and suggested she go check out the thrift shop. Long story short, we broke our deal to not buy anything for the baby until the baby gets here. We picked out some outfits, a new cradle sheet, a diaper/burp cloth, adorable shoes etc. We also go some other things like jars. We spent less than $10, but Tater has some neat clothes, and Tater needed a second cradle sheet. 🙂

Then we drove to visit Tater and his birth parents. We were supposed to have a “Meet the Family” party, but, well, that didn’t exactly happen. S forgot despite the frequent reminders. S also decided she didn’t want her Mom or her Dad to meet us at that time. D’s Mom was out of town. We met their roommate and sat at their house for a while playing with their cat and talking. S was expecting her sister to come over, but her sister was suddenly unreachable and never showed up. So we didn’t meet anyone but the roommate, but that’s okay. We talked and spent some bonding time… then they told us about company they were planning on having over that evening because they had forgotten about us coming down. My wife said something like, “Well, we don’t have to be here…” And they jumped on it. I was ready to go, too. I was relieved they weren’t wanting us to stay because I was exhausted after getting up so early and spending the day driving. We agreed to call it an early afternoon and go back to the hotel. We stopped at Popeye’s because it was on the way, and we were too tired to do anything else. Then we pretty much ate, turned off phones and alarms, and crashed. We did spend a few minutes together, and it was fantastic spending a little time alone with my wife without any electronic devices in the way. We got to talk and cuddle and just be together — at least until I fell asleep, which wasn’t long. It was a good birthday. 🙂

I was up at 3 am. I laid in bed for another hour or so. I cuddled her until I made her sweat, then I moved away. Then I decided I just couldn’t lay there anymore. That was about 4 am. I got up, showered, got dressed, checked my email on my cell phone, etc. She got up to use the restroom, and I told her I would be back – I was going to find that Starbuck’s. She asked if they were open at 5 am, and I told her I didn’t know, but I would find out. For the record, Starbuck’s doesn’t open until 6. At least in that area. So I decided to go find gas because we would be driving home that day. I found the cheapest gas, drove there, and the gas station was closed! I thought all gas stations were 24-hour these days! So I found another one… I passed a bank on the way, and I stopped to make a deposit. Then I filled up the car. Then I found a Starbucks, but it was 5 till 6. I figured I would have plenty of time to go to the Starbucks by the hotel and be there by about 6 — and be closer to the hotel, too. Except I found a donut shop. I got a couple cinnamon rolls, then headed down to Starbucks. I was the third person in line when they opened. I got back to the hotel just after 6 with a Latte for my wife. I gave her the goods (Latte and cinnamon roll), and took off with the ice bucket to pack the ice chest. I got back and packed up and loaded up. She got herself ready and helped pack and load, and we were gone by 7 or so.

We drove home, unpacked, cleaned up, and I did some chores… then I crashed. I meant to make this post then, but I was too tired and too sidetracked. And I’ve had a migraine, too. One that has lasted for days. I did a little more nesting – I washed the new stuff we got for Tater, pulled the sheet and blanket off the crib and stuck them in the hamper, etc.

Yesterday I worked, but I had a migraine and didn’t do anything else. I laid around and think I ended up going to bed early. My Mom called and told me about my daughter yesterday, too. She said she bought her new boots, and she was wearing other new clothing. Then M announced proudly to everyone,

“I’m wearing all new clothes! Even my underwear is new!”

… because everyone wanted to know THAT. 🙂

So that brings us to Tuesday.

6 days to go. Tater will be here within a week. By this time next week, I might just be holding Tater. I so hope I am, but I am also very aware that anything could happen. I am starting to get more and more nervous about what *could* happen even though none of it seems likely. Still, I’ve had mutliple babies in my grasp the last few years, and all of them slipped through. Babies die, people change thier minds, and who knows what else *could* happen. But I try to stay positive and hopeful.

hope but dont expect

DOMA and what it means

The Supreme Court ruled, and they called for an end to DOMA! On the 10th anniversary of Lawrence v. Texas, too. How awesome is that?

My wife and I are legally married in Connecticut. We flew there years ago because it was legal there, and it’s not legal here in Texas. We said “I do,” got the paper, and flew back after a nice walk on the beach. What has that meant? Absolutely nothing. We are still “single” — at least, we were because Texas doesn’t recognize it. We knew that when we did it, but it meant something to us so we did it anyway. I love my wife, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with her. While our marriage has literally been “just a piece of paper” so far, someday we might actually be married! I mean – more than a piece of paper.

What does that mean exactly? Well, it means we may be able to file joint taxes in the future. That means we can file married and pay less in taxes. Considerably less. It means I may be able to add my wife to my insurance. She can’t get health insurance through my work because she isn’t male…. and a female’s husband must be male — or they aren’t eligible. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

While I have a medical power of attorney naming my wife, hospitals can acknowledge her as the next-of-kin. She can take possession of my remains and get me cremated or buried or whatever WITHOUT a fight. She can be allowed in my hospital room. I don’t have to be alone while they scream that my baby’s dead — My wife can be there. Not that there will be a next time for us, but it’s bound to happen to someone else. And maybe she won’t be alone, whoever that is. Maybe she will be spared the tragic memories that I carry. Nothing makes losing a baby better, but something like that can make it a lot worse.

Maybe in the future, Texas will recognize our marriage. Maybe they will change their silly laws that only one male and one female can be on a birth or death certificate. Maybe my wife and I can BOTH adopt Tater! And maybe, just maybe, both of us can be on Tater’s birth certificate. How fantastic would that be? Tater will be here within a dozen days – maybe by the time we get to adopt, we can do it together. Tater can have both parents listed on the birth certificate like other kids can. People don’t realize that by stripping our rights, they also strip the rights of our children. Maybe Tater won’t have to deal with the unfairness of the “majority” deciding Tater is less than their children just because Tater was blessed with not one but two moms.

The Moon and Her Many Faces

I asked a co-worker today if she got to see the supremoon this weekend. She didn’t know what I was talking about so I did my best to describe it. Actually, I didn’t see it either. I was much too busy with life to remember to go look. I did see it high in the sky, but not the fabulous scene of it rising in the sky. I enjoyed looking up pictures of the supermoon though. It looks like it was an awesome one! The following image was taken from this site:

supermoon

We proceeded to discuss the moon and her many faces.

Man in moon

There is of course the well-known man in the moon, but did you know there’s a woman in the moon as well? The following picture was emailed to me so I don’t have a source for the image. If someone knows where it came from, I would be more than happy to link as appropriate as I don’t own this image.

CA65KZM2

Even better yet, there’s a rabbit up there on the moon! Check this out! The following image taken from this site:

bunnyinmoon

So there’s the moon lesson of the day. Hope you enjoyed it. Thank you, and come again another time. 🙂